FLYING WITH TOM HANKS slams on screen before we open on…
INT. AIRPLANE – DAY
LESLIE walks in the airplane and takes his seat. He doesn’t want to be bothered.
ANNOUNCEMENT Now boarding American Airlines 809 He puts his eye patch on, earplugs and he puts his head by the window. Somebody shakes him up. He takes off his eye patch and sees TOM HANKS.
TOM HANKS Excuse me. I always sit by the window. He shows his plane ticket. Leslie puts all his stuff on the seat.
LESLIE Sorry this seat is taken.
TOM HANKS Yes it’s taken by me!
HOSTESS passes by and she stops noticing there is a problem.
HOSTESS Sir you need to take your seat and buckle up.
TOM HANKS This guy won’t let me sit.
HOSTESS Excuse me Sir, this is his seat. You need to move.
LESLIE Don’t you see? He is suspicious. He wears a beard!
TOM HANKS That is my beard. Tom Hanks touches his beard.
LESLIE I can’t have him sitting next to me. Don’t you know what happens to people who travel with him?
CUT TO: Tom Hanks sits by the window and looks over the clouds. He takes pictures with his phone. Leslie looks tense, nailed on his seat in fear. He already wore his parachute, ready to jump. Leslie collects all the food that’s given by the hostess.
LESLIE I’ll need this later when we are stranded on an island.
TOM HANKS Aren’t you over reacting? LESLIE Over reacting? Have you seen your own movies?
Flash-backs crosses in front of Leslie’s eyes CAST-AWAY. CAPTAIN PHILLIS. TERMINAL. SULLY.
LESLIE (CONT’D) You should have been stuck on the Terminal. Never made this far. You are endangering everyone’s lives. I saw you in Sully.
TOM HANKS That was just a character I played in a movie! Plus everyone landed safely to their destination.
LESLIE Right in the middle of the cold sea. I’d freeze to death! I read it somewhere you should never travel with Tom Hanks.
TOM HANKS That was a joke. Airplane starts shaking, Leslie’s eyes open wide. He screams looking at a baby crying behind him.
LESLIE That’s it, this is it. Let me out. Leslie stands up from his seat wearing his parachute.
TOM HANKS We are just passing through a turbulence. It happens all the time!
HOSTESS Sir I need you to sit back at your seat. Leslie sits back but he is scared.
TOM HANKS You know what I do when I am scared? Just breath. Leslie breaths loudly as Tom tries to calm him down.
LESLIE I sing when I am scared. Leslie starts singing a song loudly. Tom joins him and they sing together.
TOM HANKS Haha see now you seem relaxed. I told you nothing’s gonna happen.
LESLIE Ok maybe I should just watch a movie to distract myself.
TOM HANKS Good idea.
LESLIE Not one of your films though.
Leslie looks at the choices of films. ‘SNAKES ON A PLANE’ then skips to ‘PLANE CRASH” he freaks out.
LESLIE (CONT’D) Not cool bro.
He turns off the TV. Tom Hanks sleeps and SNORS real loud. Leslie gets up and checks if there are any seats available in the first class. He sees a Panda Bear sitting next to a guy. He can’t believe his eyes and checks it again. He goes back to his seat and wakes Tom up. Tom is sleepy.
LESLIE (CONT’D) There is a Panda bear on the plane.
TOM HANKS Huh? LESLIE I saw a Panda flying first class.
TOM HANKS Yea right.
Tom rolls his eyes then sees the big PANDA bear passing by.
LESLIE Nope, you are not tripping. Airplane makes really loud noise.
PILOT on intercom.
PILOT What the fuck was that?
LESLIE Oh great, now I feel safe.
TOM HANKS You worry too much.
Tom Hanks wears his glasses and tries to read. He smells something. He sniffs and sniffs.
TOM HANKS (CONT’D) Do you smell that? What is it?
They both turn around and see an OLD MAN put his bare feet on top of their seat and he is asleep.
LESLIE If I don’t die of anything, I’ll die because of this smell.
TOM HANKS Wait, I have something that can help. Tom Hanks takes out clothespins out of his bag and gives one to Leslie, puts one on his nose.
LESLIE This is the weirdest flight ever. Time passes. Leslie sleeps on Tom Hanks shoulder. Arrival announcement. People start clapping with joy. He wakes up.
LESLIE (CONT’D) What’s going on? What are we celebrating?
TOM HANKS Yep apparently we arrived. Leslie looks by the window curtain.
LESLIE This doesn’t look familiar?
TOM HANKS Pilot took a surprise location.
LESLIE But I had plans.
TOM HANKS Apparently you’re the only one with plans.
LESLIE Where are we? I knew something was going to happen.
They get up and as they are about to leave the plane, a HOSTESS from a previous famous SNL SKETCH says BUH BYE now.
Thet get out of the plane to find themselves in the SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE stage. AUDIENCE cheer and APPLAUSE.
END OF SKETCH 